Throughout his ministry, Jesus recognized the importance of building lasting relationships. Lasting relationships are those that stand the test of time, and which create a deep sense of personal commitment on the part of both participants. Developing lasting relationships is a critical skill for any leader.

We all know and recognize (often instantly) people who are quick to develop some kind of relationship but who do not commit to building depth in that same relationship. These individuals often achieve high levels of success, but as Jesus would have predicted, tend to fall just as quickly – and when they do, they fall alone.

Jesus recognized that there were two kinds of lasting relationships that leaders need to cultivate. The first kind is the respect-based relationship. Jesus was a complex individual who was bringing revolutionary change to a very tradition-bound people. He knew that he needed to gain the trust of those who might not see things his way, in order to lay the groundwork for his ministry.

When as a child of twelve, Jesus met with the teachers and leaders at the temple in Jerusalem, he first listened and asked questions. Even before saying anything declarative, Jesus used his listening skills and the nature of his questions to elicit interest and engagement among individuals who were many years older than he, and who had no logical reason to take him seriously. In short, he showed great respect for them and, in so doing, enabled them to become open to offering great respect back.

These teachers may not have become close personal friends of his (in fact, the Biblical record does not suggest that he ever saw them again), but nonetheless these were lasting relationships because (a) he built a relationship based upon mutual trust and respect, and (b) those teachers and leaders were never the same. Even after his departure, he changed their way of thinking forever. Therefore, although the relationships did not continue in the flesh, they did result in a long-term impact.

The second kind of lasting relationship is experience-based relationship. Jesus knew that to build a core leadership team (his disciples), he needed to go beyond showing mutual respect and specifically focus on building mutual trust through ongoing interactions.

For example, in the famous story of Jesus walking on water, he displayed his divine command of the natural world and, what is just as critical, he used the experience to show Peter his own capacity to survive or drown on the basis of where he placed his faith – in other words, his trust. “Why did you doubt?,” Jesus asked Peter. The seeds of leadership are rooted in faith, and the roots of faith begin in the fertile ground of trustworthiness.

Jesus knew that respect and trust were the essential ingredients in building lasting relationships, and that the ability and commitment to creating and sustaining lasting relationships was essential to the life of a leader.

Did this mean that Jesus was always successful in maintaining relationships on his terms? Surely not. Some people never trusted him, or turned their backs on his efforts when challenged to change. Others (like Peter) became fearful and struggled with doubt at many points. Still others turned on Jesus and betrayed him.

And that brings us to the final lesson essential to building lasting relationships: The willingness to keep building them, even after some have failed and others have turned against you. Despite the actions or failings of others, Jesus continued to commit his life to creating lasting relationships – with leaders, with servants, with individuals and communities.

This is exactly what we are called to do as leaders today, and within that willingness to continue the journey we will find the true keys to achieving lasting, life-changing leadership impact.