My friend’s grandmother used to say, “You were born with two ears and one mouth. You should use them in that proportion.” That’s sage advice that I have all-too-often ignored to my own peril. As human beings, we all have a deep emotional need to be understood that we will go to great lengths to satisfy. But true understanding only comes through listening. If we are talking, we aren’t listening to anyone except ourselves, and that’s kind-of silly because we already know what we think.

Relationships are built quickly when one person has the emotional intelligence to, in Steven Covey’s words, ‘seek first to understand before seeking to be understood.’  When you initiate trying to understand the other person first, you give them a gift that they will respond to. If you’ve never tried it before, the results will amaze and astound you. Misunderstandings are averted – because you sought clarification before drawing conclusions and acting on them. Dialogue increases, because people feel heard, understood, valued and important. People will listen to you, compelled to return the favor because it feels so good.

Give yourself a challenge today by tracking how much you talk vs. listen. Is it one-third, two-thirds or the other way around – or worse? Make a decision to ask at least one question before you tell someone anything to force yourself out of the natural default “I want to be understood” mode and into the “I want to understand them first” mode. Then record the differences you see in those interactions. The positive reactions you get will help you make lasting changes in the way you approach every conversation, sales or otherwise.